This week was interesting for me. I am still needing to review the laws, but I did appreciate learning about how the government is structured to try to meet the needs of those with disabilities. It's interesting to observe the process of how and why laws were created and what they mean for us today. Necessity really is the mother of invention for many of these laws which sprout not from overall social opinions but from lawsuits. It's incredible how the creating of one law creates implications that encourage other laws to be created. The FAPE law was the springboard for the case that required the school district to fund the child's education-based medical needs (once again I really need to review these laws' names). It was interesting to see how the government decided to break down disabilities under IDEA. It made me wonder why they decided to put some disabilities under IDEA and to leave some just under 504. The main reason must just be that these 13 categories are more inhibiting, but I wonder if there was some other logic behind these categories since the 13 categories seem slightly odd to me (granted I don't know much about disabilities). I wonder how laws will change with social change. Emotional disturbance is becoming more common and more accepted as inhibiting growth and education. With memorial day coming up it makes me think of those with extreme PTSD that are as disturbed as someone with schizophrenia. I  
        As I watched the video that discussed IEP's and the video that illustrated at sort of case study about a school district trying to fix their IEP's I realized how much goes into the IEP process (which gave me an appreciation for my dad who mentioned needing to write some on occasion). I didn't realize how many professionals are needed and how much discussing happens between them to create one. I thought a teacher just wrote an IEP and perhaps worked a little with the parents and touched base with one or two professionals and the administration. I also didn't think about the parents rights in writing the IEP, because I had assumed that an IEP was more related to the school than to the family. However, the parents are almost at the center of an IEP. It was interesting to discover that the main reason for an IEP (at least in my opinion) is to make sure that the child gets the services needed to succeed in getting an education. I thought IEP's were more classroom instruction based. Honestly, I think IEP's and all disability law needs to ease up a bit. We are so focused on numbers and laws to ensure our numbers will look good. No policy can ensure that kids won't slip throughout the class when children become numbers. I have a 'child development' rant related to this subject and I'm just realizing that it's specially connected to children with disabilities who sometimes seem even more controlled from those with a behaviorism mentality. In general though I think people really care about those with disabilities and are doing their best, obviously. I just think we need some paradigm shifts in the way we address special needs.
         This week I did the masks. The first one I did was the blurry vision one with the tape over it. This one was quite the challenge. I remember being surprised as I went down the cement steps leaving the Hinckley that I needed to be more intentional. I was frustrated that I couldn't quickly float down the steps as I usually do. I wasn't surprised that my reading assignments went much slower but I was surprised that by going slower I decided to put more detail into them the masks made me more calm and less rushed in a way (especially the first two). I was surprised by the way I carried my things down this one set of steps in the library, I am usually more meticulous about how I carry my things but I just remember thinking how grateful I was to just have the stuff in my hands to move. As I looked closely at the computer screen, I was reminded of a girl in my ward who needs to look at her screen close up, and of this gentleman I saw in a family history center at Temple Square who needed the images zoomed in greatly, and needed to put his face close to the screen and roll his head around. I wished I had understood them at those points like I did as I struggled to see the screen. Part of me said, "Am I just supposed to sit around for four hours because homework feels impossible?" and then I was reminded of how many people struggle through college and fight through life with similar if not worse challenges. Suddenly those inspirational stories about overcoming physical and mental struggles came to my mind, and I didn't see them as corny or patronizing as I sometimes do (though sometimes I do think the film industry cheeses up perfectly good 'courage' stories, if that makes any sense). Changing masks was like being unleashed from a prison. The world glowed for me in a similar way that the emerald green northwest glowed when I came down from northern Alaska.The mask with the tiny holes in it was also emotional and frustrating for me, and had similar challenges. However, I found the tiny holes a little bit easier to deal with (I really ought to go back and recall what the names of those vision problems were). Understandably, people looked at me as I wore the mask. I felt so awkward and slightly less justified in wearing them than I would in having a stutter or in riding a wheelchair because the masks felt like an awkward fashion choice.  I wore a mask up to my friends office, because I wanted to see a familiar face and then went up to the classroom for a group meeting, where I felt more comraderie as I wore the mask that blocked out my middle view. That one was hard to commit too since I wanted to read, but the directions said to stare at the green paper and use my peripheral vision. Brother Cloward said that those with this problem can read through their peripheral, it's just hard. I think I felt for those people the most, not that I have any deep concept of any of those with vision impairments daily struggles. I saved the 'easiest' one for last. Having one eye pocked out seemed preferable to the other struggles.

As I walked down from the Hinckley I passed a student with his guide dog. He was talking to a student that had a mobility disorder about how it took him 5 hours to do an assignment. His friend gave his sympathy. I passed him so quickly but after I heard him speak I turned around and looked at them longingly, wishing I could naturally start a conversation or just boldly cry out, "I just wore the masks today! What vision problem do you have? I feel for you friend!"
         For my Higher Wider Deeper Project I started writing a few mood logs and gratitude journal entries during the week since both were prescribed cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) techniques. The mood logs were very calming and I felt changed by them. In a mode log you go through a process of writing down your feelings in different sections, giving a percentage of how much you resonate with that thought, writing down the cognitive distortions affecting your thinking (ex. mind reading: thinking that you know what others are thinking) and then thinking of a more positive but truthful thought. You then label a percentage on that thought of how much you believe it (it really should be above 90%). After this you give a percentage to how much you believe that previous negative thought. This process helps you break down what you are thinking, why you are thinking it, and what's real and what is subjective. It helps you get rid of the hot air in your thoughts. Next week I want to carry around a note pad in my purse to write down my negative thoughts and new thoughts to replace them with. This would be like a mini portable mood log. I also want to do my mood log every day next week. I ordered a book on CBT at the beginning of this last week so I hope that comes in soon since all of the articles I have glanced over seem to just give the basics of CBT. I have been doing group therapy, I can't really go into detail about group therapy, but I wanted to mention this at least once because I do feel it's a part of my self-application of the CBT process (even though it's not an element I am going to bing in much) in that it has made me more self-conscious of how I act, think, and feel and the sessions are mediated by a professional who tries to keep the focus on the thoughts, words, and actions happening in the session (which is very similar to the CBT philosophy). I feel I need to apply a few more CBT techniques as week as find a way to apply it or teach it to my family.